My New Best Friend
22 03 2007
In between the usual tangle of offers to enlarge my penis, sell me inkjet printers, get me hooked on Viagra, meet singles in my local area and get a B.A. with no effort, was this charming plea. It touched my very soul. I couldn’t help but reach out to her. It’s been almost a week already though since I contacted her and I haven’t heard back yet. She must be busy making plans for my visit…
—– Original Message —-
From: irina <tqkvfskjot@datasync.com>
To: conchuro@yahoo.com
Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2007 12:50:12 AM
Subject: message from irinaHi. I’ am irina, I am young lady of 25 years old,
I live in Russia and I really want to create a strong family. Is visiting
Russia in your future plans?Please, drop me some words to:
mailto:irina@bestgirls2u.orgirina
______________________________________________________
Dear Irina,
What a pleasant surprise to receive your e mail yesterday. It is almost uncanny that you knew visiting
Russia was in my future plans. In fact for quite some time now my occasionally nefarious friend and I have been discussing a trip to St Petersburg. He is very clever and Russian is one of the 37 languages that he speaks. In fact he once translated a menu from Russian into English for a confused Neil Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys. This is a good example of his heartfelt charity - his kindness would let no man go hungry for lack of simple language skills. Incidentally he also performs a memorable version of Bette Midler’s Otto Titsling, but only when he’s in the right mood. I hope you get to meet him some day.
I am warmed to hear of your hope to create a strong family. This is a noble cause indeed although I am not entirely sure I would be of much help in this field. I am not particularly strong myself - my arms ache for a couple of days after I bring the shopping home on a Saturday and I was always the last to be picked on the tug of war team at school. The egg on spoon race was a different kettle of fish altogether but we were not allowed use real eggs for fear of creating an omelette on the football pitch.The other problem is that, how shall I put this delicately, I prefer the company of gentlemen than young ladies seeking to create a strong family. I have heard that Russia is full of healthy young sailors who share my interests which is another reason my occasionally nefarious friend and I are attracted by your fascinating country.Well I wish you all the best in your endeavors and who knows maybe one day we’ll share a bottle of vodka together with that strong family of yours!
Regards,
Conortje
You are such a brat! Hee hee!
(That’s not true about Neil Tennant, is it????)
Oh dear. I have found the title for your biopic… “Death becomes you”.
Not exactly my subtlest threat, but you’re on ice that ain’t thick.
Oh, I should add - love the poster. I want if for my collection!
What did you use for eggs in that there race?
The poor girl. She’s sitting all alone in some hay shed sobbing her eyes out now, over a broken heart.
Or something
Enda - the Neil Tennant story is really true!
Jovica - We used potatoes- until very recently I believed this was normal practice around the world but it would seem it is fairly unique to Tralee
Alan - I am still quite fragile after the mouse incident - I couldn’t bare any more guilt… Besides I’m certain she’ll find herself a companion easily enough
We used potatoes too.
I thought we were being punished for our clumsiness.
We used potatoes too. Looks like eggs are the exception after all.
I wonder if eggs were ever used anywhere.
Perhaps it’s all part of a global conspiracy to fool naive, impressionable children into believing that eggs and potatoes are in fact one and the same thing.
We used potatoes in county meath. And we stuck the top of the spoon into the potato, and so it never fell!
We like to be innovative when we can
Hi Conor,
since you are so good with Russian ladies, could you translate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDRLmM3NrRg for the rest of us?
Pieterr - You’d be better off asking our local TV star to do the translation, if he has time between filming. One can’t help but wonder though how you stumbled upon such a unique recording…