Letter from Conortje to Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and sixteen sovereign states. E mailed and posted on the 10th of April 2007.
Your Majesty,
I would firstly like to take this opportunity to wish you a very happy birthday. While I know it will not be as big a celebration this year I hope that you will mark the great day in style.
The reason I write however is somewhat different. I am an Irish man living in the Netherlands. For some time now I have professed my bafflement at royalty (not specifically you but in general). I have always viewed it as undemocratic and wholly archaic. In fact next to royalty I only dislike kiwis, telemarketers and paying to use toilet facilities as much. I have recently however been inspired to write to you upon seeing Ian Paisley shake hands with our own lovable rogue Bertie Ahern. What a sight that was to behold. A sight I certainly never thought I would ever see.
You musn’t forget that Mr Paisley is the man who once said of the Roman Catholic church ‘Seed of the serpent… Her clothes reek of the brimstone of the pit. Her words and opinions label her the parrot of Beelzebub, her father’.
Bertie on the other hand simply blurts out gems like ‘There’s been no cuts. There’s been a moderation in the increases’.
This historic meeting has filled me with a positive glow and I thought to myself if Ian and Bertie can learn to get along than so can we.
So dear Elizabeth although we are far apart and therefore cannot shake hands in person we can do so in spirit. I will never fully understand the monarchy or see its relevancy in today’s society I am however ready to move forward. In the spirit of this gesture I would like to invite you to visit my blog http://conortje.wordpress.com/Here you can read my thoughts and check up on my latest jaunts. I do talk some crapology at times but I hope you will overlook this – you don’t pick your readers as they say and I strive to keep them happy which they both are, at least most of the time. You can however leave a comment on the site if there is a piece that particularly moves you (be it good or bad).
I wish the rest of your family well. Take good care and I hope to see you on my blog soon.
Yours,
Conortje
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So, should I expect a reply?
Cheers for the mail, old chap. I must say, the anonymity of the internet provides one with an ideal opportunity to do whatever one cunting well feels like. Keep it up, my lovely.
QEII
xxx
One puts it so elequantly, so why shouldn’t one expect a reply?
I’d be annoyed otherwise, if I were you.
LOL – Writing to RTE should be a walk in the park after this!
Hiya Liz – I just knew you’d turn up. Now I just have to invite Bertie and the boys and we’ll have a whale of a time here!
Beth – I think RTE are far more frightening although they probably have a better haircut!
Happy Birthday, Mr President?
Ah no. Maybe not.
Maybe she’ll write back if you leave a message on her MySpace page.
Stats:
HM Queen Elizabeth II’s Details
Status: Married
Here for: Networking
Orientation: Straight
Hometown: London England
Body type: Some extra baggage
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Religion: Other
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
Smoke / Drink: No / No
Children: Proud parent
Occupation: Monarch
Income: $250,000 and Higher
I can’t help but wonder how you came across this. I don’t believe the drinking/smoking part for one second.
So you do believe the ‘proud parent’ part?