Lucky Me

I spent this afternoon studying on my balcony in the sun.  This is remarkable not only because we’ve all of a sudden got an Indian Summer but also because it’s astonishing that I am able to concentrate at all after the wonderful news I got this week. You see I won the lottery! Actually I hate to brag but I actually won five lotteries. I won £1 million in the UK lottery, €500,000 each in Italian, Spanish and French lotteries and an undisclosed sum in an Irish one. I am one lucky Conortje don’t you think. The good news just keeps on coming. Because I’m the most generous boy down the road I’ve decided to share with you. Not any of the winnings, just some of the correspondence which is considerably more substantial at any rate.

 —– Original Message —-
From: “w_pack@satx.rr.com” <w_pack@satx.rr.com>
Sent: Sunday, September 2, 2007 1:46:38 PM
Subject: ONLINE WINNER NOFICATION.UK NATIONAL LOTTERY HEADQUARTERS

Dear Winner,

We are pleased to inform you that you are one of our winners in the
just concluded daily draws of the UNITED KINGDOM NATIONAL LOTTERY
programs held on Sun 2nd of SEPTEMBER, 2007.The online cyber lotto
draws was conducted from an exclusive list of 21,000 e-mail addresses
of individual and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated
random computer search from the internet, no tickets were sold. After
this automated computer ballot, your e-mail address emerged as one of
three winners in the category \”A\” with the following winning
information:You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of
£1,000,000 (One million pounds sterling). To file for your claim, Contact the processing Consultant:
Contact Person: Mr.David Wellings
Telephone: +44-702-409-2845
Email:uklotteryclaimsagent08@yahoo.co.ukSincerely,
Mrs. Cecilia Moore
FOR UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.

Dear Mr Wellings,

I had always believed the saying that there is no such thing as a free lunch. That is until I received your wonderful news that I had won a lottery that I hadn’t even entered. This couldn’t have come at a better time for me as my dish washer has just broken down and I am becoming more and more depressed at having to wash each and every cup and plate myself. I have always firmly believed that I was born to be wealthy and such daily chores were beyond me. I shouldn’t have to clean anything – I should be waited on. In fact I have constantly looked down at poor people truly believing that I did not belong in their company. The smell alone is enough to send me running. Your e mail has proved that I have been right all along.

So excited was I on hearing of my thrilling windfall that I raced outside and bought a box of champagne to celebrate (on credit obviously). I have also organised a party for 70 of my closest friends to celebrate. Today I plan to hand in my notice at work and talk to my bank manager about receiving a loan until my prize comes through as I am currently €15,000 in the negative due to my celebration spendings. Champagne doesn’t come cheap you know but I do like to have it on my cornflakes as I find that a tremendous start to the day.

In order to continue the lifestyle I have grown accustomed to since I received your e mail I will need you to give me an advance of about 30,000 euro. I trust this will not be a problem. I will of course send you a bottle of champagne in thanks. (I am assuming that you are also wealthy otherwise champagne might give you bellyache – let me know as I can always substitute it for some Cava). I look forward to hearing from you soon,
Yours,

Conortje