TB or not TB?
8 04 2008I seem mysteriously to attract unusual illnesses and physical ailments. I collect them like regular people collect stamps and creepy porcelain figurines. Ever since I was a young lad I’ve always felt the need to go one better than my peers and come down with something exotic and shocking rather than the normal boring bugs. It’s not that I am a weakling, always sickly, but rather that the usual complaints and diseases bore me. If I really have to be sick then at least make it something interesting. When everyone else had chickenpox at the age of six I waited until my last year in secondary school to develop it - controversially contracting it from the sexy Chemistry teacher. When others would display allergies to run of the mill substances like dairy products or nuts I’d go one better and be almost killed by kiwis, a food stuff so potentially evil it actually has a beard. Who would want to have a broken arm when you could discover that you only have one kidney? Why bother with a mere cold when glandular fever can gain you splendid notoriety? Who’d want to bore their friends with symptoms of yawnsome tonsillitis when you could check yourself into hospital to have a saliva gland extracted because there was a stone lurking in it? You get the picture…
You can imagine my pride when I was diagnosed recently with my latest disease, sarcoidosis. An illness that sounds like the painful swelling of a French President will surely elicit gasps and admiration from those around me. What it has so far initiated is a flurry of medical tests that has had me practically living in the hospital the last few weeks. I’ve had two CT scans, a cardiogram, eye tests, gallons of blood tests not to mention a bizarre test involving having a bath and then being electrocuted (I kid you not - I’m calling that one my electric shock therapy). I think my specialist got a little carried away with requesting tests. He had a long list of departments he could send me to and got very trigger happy ticking all the boxes.
Today’s however could be the strangest yet. I can’t wait to see the reaction of my colleagues as I announce I’m just off for my TB test folks, I’ll be back soon. Thing is though, I wouldn’t put it past me to end up having that too.
that sounds awful, a chroí. hopefully they’re taking very good care of you.
you’re proof positive that oneupmanship is indeed an unhealthy preoccupation.
yeah, see now, as worried and all as I most definitely am about the latest craze of illness that requires electrocution and TB tests, I simply MUST demand, (for light comic relief purposes, of course) elaboration on the following:
controversially contracting it from the sexy Chemistry teacher
and also, as someone who has just recovered from yawnsome tonsillities, I say “HEY!” to the following:
Who’d want to bore their friends with symptoms of yawnsome tonsillitis when you could check yourself into hospital to have a saliva gland extracted because there was a stone lurking in it?
And after all of that, I finish with “thinking of you” xox
OK, that wikipedia article is terrifying. I think it’s all the five-plus syllable words.
Am also now picturing an evil kiwi stroking its beard in anticipation of its next attack…
And knowing the Dutch healthcare system, you’re being very well looked after. Keep ‘er lit. x
Ouch! I hope you get better very soon, I agree with Caroline that article is unbelievable. I got chicken pox last year at the ripe old age of 30 and had to take five different pills including steriods, I was not a happy bunny.
Fuck! And there was me attributing your weight loss to sweaty yoga!
Also, and I am not sure if this will make you feel better, I suspect your Dutch doctor is using Dutch Wikipedia, as the article there (unlike the English one) says that the symptoms of sarcoidosis are very similar to TB except (of course) that no tubercle bacilli can be detected in the patient’s blood.
That said, I do hope that the treatment involves taking a lot of hot baths (without electro shocks) and rest (at least from work, so you get the time you need to finish that Masters).
Oh, and if I can be the friendly neighbour bringing you chicken soup and tucking you in - the slightest hint is enough!
“the painful swelling of a French President”
You’re a genius.
ah, geez, conor, i’m so sorry. i tremble from anything that can’t be cured by a couple big glasses of wine and two days in bed.
good luck to you, and good health!
rosie - thanks
trust me to me competitive even in illnesses hehe
alan - hehe oh dear, your tonsillitis was far from boring I assure you!! As for the Chemistry teacher - my lips are sealed. Only wish they’d been then too… only kidding
catherine - they’re being ridiculously thorough that’s for sure. Keep that image of the kiwi, they’re pure evil I tell ya.
yvonne - oh you poor poor thing - that must have been terrible - it was awful at 17 so I can only imagine how you felt
hidh - hmmm well perhaps it’s a combination of yoga, healthy eating and my new sarcoidosis crash diet
That’s interesting about TB and Dutch wikipedia. I’ll know on Friday for sure….stay tuned. Oh and thanks for the kind neighbourly offer - you may live to regret that hehehe
lenfercest - perhaps it’s another symptom
laurie - I fnd most things can be more than adequately dealt with with wine and bed. Thanks for your kind words.
Hey, you have me worried. I hope you are better than the wikipedia article would have us believe.
Let me know if I can parachute supplies in from the plane as I fly overhead. ha ha.
Seriously though, take care. Go gently. Do what the doctor tells you to do.
And when you’re up to it, I want to hear about the chemistry teacher!
Ooh I’m sure you’ve seen this already but some quality sick day viewing: http://supernaturalsuperserious.com/
Poor baby. Hope you’re not feeling too bad and that they get you treated and better soon.
You poor pet. At least over there you’re getting your tests this side of Christmas. I hope all goes well. it sounds scary, particularly the electrecuting part. yikes. oh, and i completely agree about the red wine and bed part, particularly if you wheel the tv and dvd player in. take care. x
I think YOU might live to regret hidh’s friendly offers if he’s going to bring you chicken soup!
I, on the other hand, will dress as Florence NIghtingale, complete with lamp, and shall bring you all forms of tasty vegetable sustenance. And fudge. With pistachios.
I also feel so suitably sympathetic that I will never threaten you with a kiwi ever again.
travelling - don’t worry, wikipedia is just being dramatic - even more than me, which meakes a pleasant change I suppose. I like the idea of parachute supplies though
catherine - how brilliant - love love love their new album
caro - thanks Caro, I’m sure I’ll be grand again in no time
townygirl - yeah that was my least favourite one so far - Hmm maybe I should compile charts of most and least popular tests
jovica - hmm you just want to fatten me up again don’t you. I’m sure hidh meant vegetarian chicken soup… I’ll be reminding you of your announced ceasation of kiwi threats by the way
Jovica, the chicken soup was only metaphorical of course - I knew Conortje would understand this.
What I was mainly thinking of was the tucking in part, actually…
i swear, sugar, you make me laugh and cry within seconds! *hugs* you really are a witty thang, darlin!
Yow. I thought you had to work with asbestos or as a chimney sweep to have something like that.
Do you really only have 1 kidney?
Oh no! I wish we were in the same country, the hospitals wouldn’t know what hit ‘em if we had our appointments at the same time.
@hidh - I’m beginning to suspect that your reasons for wanting to minister to Conortje are not entirely in keeping with the Hippocratic Oath.
@Conortje - Now, now - I wouldn’t even dream of trying to fatten you up again. It didn’t exactly succeed the first time round. And I promise to do some sort of forfeit it I ever threaten you with kiwis again. Let your readers be your witnesses.
hidh - well a good tuck in is always good for the soul
savannah - and you are as sweet as pie
ann - I do indeed and proud of it - I only found out accidentally a couple of years ago
beth - Ohhh I wish I had you as a hospital buddy - I swear I know the building like the back of my hand at this stage
jovica - it succeeded for a while
will the forfeit be that you buy me a helicopter?
An illness that sounds like the painful swelling of a French President
bwahahahahaha - genius……..no but really sorry bout that…
What? TB? One kidney and now a Tiny Bladder. Are you taking the piss? Or should that be, giving it?
Consumption eh? Avail of handkerchief to cough blood into dramatically.
Sounds nasty, Con. Best of luck with whatever treatment / prognosis is involved. At least you got all those tests straightaway. Here you’d probably have to wait months for them under our battered National Health Service.
Connor - it sounds like you are building up a real fan club here - shall we name the movie the Irish Patient??
oh dear. are you feeling ok though?
Hello there. First time commenter. Little bit nervous. Sorry to hear about your ailments. One consolation however is that Sarcoidosis is a young person’s disorder. That’s not much of a consolation, I now realise.
Here’s to a spontaneous remission.
oh dear….I hope it is not “to be” and I hope you kick whatever it is out of the residence of your body soon, seems as the electrocution did not do the job…
manuel - thanks, I dare say I’ll live
primal - I’m always serious. Always!
thrift - I was really looking forward to the drama of it all actually. There would have been swooning too, lots of swooning
nick - so far I have to say I’m more than satisfied with the medical service here
textual - hehe my version would be a lot more interesting though
red - well I won’t bore you with my aches and pains but it could be worse I suppose
bete - lovely to see you here - no need for nerves whatsoever I promise. I love your way of thinking - when I tell people about it from now on that’s how I will begin - I have a young person’s disease….
natalie - well it’s definitely sarcoidosis and not TB. It’s a young person’s disease you know….
Och Conor you poor thing, that sounds horrendous! Make sure you Nick Frost it up http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk5wScFGCjk I feel fantastic in comparison with my chronic tonsillitis!
Hello!
I noticed you wrote about Tori Amos in your blog and thought you’d be interested in this new story about Tori collaborating with comic book artists.. here is all the information: http://www.toriamos.com/news/tori-amos-inks-comic-book-tattoo
Let me know what you think!
I hope the sarcoidosis doesn’t play up too much. A friend of my sister has had it for a few years now and it often leaves her incapable of doing anything - and then a few weeks later she’ll feel fine again.
Oh and about having a saliva gland extracted - I had a stone in one of my saliva glands a few years ago and they just gave me some pain killers and told me to wait for the stone to get out!
[...] (or should I say one of my neurologists) prescribing them to me to treat symptoms of my Sarcozydosis but I like to milk these things for as much as I [...]