Every head he’s had the pleasure to know
2 05 2008On my jaunt of the local pubs last weekend, amidst all the garbled drunken stories and conversations, I happened to pick up some rather unusual advice. This came about when my friend bumped into (literally) someone who introduced himself as Oscar, the Stylist. Oh my friend said excitedly, a good friend of mine is a hairdresser too. Queue icy cold looks from young Oscar and an incredibly lengthy and impatient lecture on the differences between said professions. I must admit that I had lost interest in the situation at the very beginning of the rant, possibly being distracted by a glass of beer, or a catchy tune played by the DJ, or let’s face it - anything not to do with hair.
However before I had a chance to make a complete escape I felt fingers in my hair that I found belonged to a puzzled looking Oscar. Whatever did they do with your hair? he asked with such urgency that I wondered if it had suddenly turned blue or had fallen out. This? It’s my post modern Ringo look I explained with as much confidence as I could muster. No, no! Don’t ever let that happen again he warned with flailing hands - oh and you know what would make you look so much better? - if you grew a beard! It will make the world of a difference.
I had happily forgotten all about this encounter until the next day when it came time to shave. Ah, I’ll just leave it a couple of days longer I thought, deciding that a stylist must know what they’re talking about. Perhaps the secret to personal beauty is facial hair after all, it certainly never did the real Ringo any harm.
The problem with this however is that I have not been blessed when it comes to beard growth. It’s patchy at best, downright bizarre at worst. There’s a centimeter on my left side where a sideburn should live that no hair grows on at all - no matter the amount of coaxing. I also exhibit some breathtaking examples of asymmetry in beard growth with my right side being much more eager about the job than the left. Against all my better judgment I decided to give it a go regardless and see what would happen.
This morning, as I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like a scruffy teenager battling a particularly difficult bout of puberty it occurred to me that perhaps this was Oscar’s plan all along. It was his cruel punishment for not knowing that his job was ‘on a totally different level’ than a hairdresser.
The moral of the story is to never take advice from someone you may have recently offended. Oh and never ever use the lovely Ringo as a fashion example.
Pictures please! Ah go on go on go on. I bet it looks better than you think.
I agree with Catherine, I want to see photos.
When Grannymar asks… Grannymar must have
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
{I’m having deja vu. Was that also the last comment I made, or are you just consistently a tease?}
catherine -I may be persauded to show a photo of my asymetrical chin. Big maybe
grannymar - Ohhh grannymar threats, I love it!
enda - hehe I think I might be a tease! giggle, giggle…..
g’wan, i think a beard would look great on you. grow a goatee, however, and i’m disowning you.
I think the moral of the story is that anyone who introduces themselves as ‘Oscar the stylist’ is to be avoided at all costs.
I think you should grow a dodgy beard and then go hang around his ’salon’ telling everyone that “Oscar is such a visionary - this beard is his idea, you know”…..
I haven’t had a beard since my John Lennon phase in the sixties, and like yours it took a very long time to grow into anything resembling a proper beard. Who needs a shaggy, unhygienic, unkissable beard anyway? Forget the idea. It’s bad enough kissing stubble. And to think so many women are frantically trying to get rid of their facial hair….
What did he recommend hair-wise btw?
You gotta push through the patch phase. The gaps eventually fall to the surrounding hair.
Or course by that point you’ll be less Ringo and more Rasputin. But bearded you’ll be and that’ll bring true happiness. Possibly.
Ah gwan Conor. If you do I promise not to reveal any of the naughty things James told me about you
rosie - no fear - I’m with you on that
travelling - hmm I like your way of thinking except knowing me I’d end up getting ropped into something else if I went there
nick - he advised me to contact him in two weeks when it had time to recover and he’d sort it out hehehe Really!
gimme - aw crap - I’m not sure which is worse, Ringo or Ra Ra Rasputin. I’ll give it another couple of days just to see though
catherine - since you have met dear Jems then you will already know that no word that comes out of his mouth is to be believed
Hmm… that’s not strictly accurate. I believe Jems told Catherine that he was extremely hungover. That was indeed the truth.
I think the Rasputin look would rather suit you. Would you then have to become the lover of a Russian queen?
Why do stylists always have exotic names like Oscar?
Why are they never called Trevor? Or Derek?
mmmm. I dunno. Am I the only one who thinks Conor looks just perfect as he is? Screw Oscar the stylist!
@Alan - nope, I don’t think you’re alone in thinking that. Some of us are just too mean to actually say it.
I would, though, object to screwing Oscar the stylist. I think.
(Yep, Conortje, I think your hair looks great. But I’m not a stylist. And the stubble/fluff/beard just suffices to enhance your already profound masculinity.)
you are so funny.
i have wildly curly hair, myself. one time i went to the Rocco Altobelli salon for a “free hair analysis.”
the stylist walked around and around my chair, staring at me quizzically. every so often he’d pull a ringlet out to its full length and then let go, watching it snap back into a fuzzy little curl.
finally he sighed and said, “i think you’re doing the best you can with what you have.”
and i went home.
OK, I stopped believing Jovica now.
But a beard - hmm, what about a stubble? I am trying one out myself right now (I took a few days off work for this)
i’m all for facial hair on men, sugar! take some pictures…please
I am vehemently against beards, despite the fact that Peter has one. They are scratchy and make kissing really uncomfortable.
Stay away from the beard!
I agree, photos are a must for an entry like this! My husband also has very patchy beard growth, there are spots that are as smooth as a baby’s bottom no matter how long he waits or how many times he does the ‘encouragement shave’. I think it’s cute
grow a beard! Goan Goan Goan! - just think 10 minutes extra lie in in bed every morning!
I have such a beard fetish at the moment. I am beginning to wonder what is wrong with me.
So I’m joining in with the cries of “Grow it in!” and “Pictures please!”.
Mmmmm beards……
“The moral of the story is to never take advice from someone you may have recently offended.”
Conor, your post has made me laugh out loud for about 10 minutes but this sentence cracked me up completely! It’s awesome story-writing, and allow me to say I am sorry about the ordeal or rather should I say hair-deal!
jovica - what an awful thing to think. You know I hate all royalty
alan - aren’t you just the sweetest Alan down the road
laurie - hehehe I think it was pure jealous that he’d could never be as beautiful as you
hidh - you and the rest of the country. So have you shaved yet?
savannah - I’m working on it
ann - well that’s okay really as I’m not planning on kisisng anyone for a while
breigh - I think you’re right - I’ll need to provide proof of my mad beard growth
quickroute - and that is the best reason yet!!!
newbie - gosh, I didn’t even know there was such a thing. How fabulous!
gaye - hehe you’re too kind