This is the kind of nonsense that runs through my mind when I’m not tapping away on my laptop and rechecking the word count. Yesterday, while putting away the groceries I was jolted out of this swamp of conorthoughts by realising there was simply no room left for the last can of beans. How very strange I thought to myself as I went to investigate what was going on.
What was going on was 7 cans of kidney beans, 5 of chick peas, half a dozen of brown beans and about 20 cans of mixed beans, vegetables and barely identifiable food stuffs. I had to stand back and let out a dramatic gasp at the realisation that I had, bit by bit, been buying enough food to feed a small family for half a year. I know I’ve been distracted by this academic masterpiece I’ve been struggling with but this was very bizarre. Even for me!
As I composed myself I remembered reading a leaflet that was circulated recently at work called ‘An underestimated threat: a flu pandemic’. It basically said that a pandemic wave was due – it wasn’t a case of if but when and that it would last 6 to 8 weeks. At the time I was moderately startled but soon became distracted by a picture of a celebrity who had shockingly dared to leave her house without make-up or something of similar import. Obviously some of it had entered my unguarded subconscious – particularly the line that recommended ‘it is a good idea to stockpile supplies for an emergency – store a six-week supply of non-perishable foods’.
You see my brain is so full of serious dissertation thoughts these days I am unable to filter things out. My brain is overloaded and all this thinking is exhausting. I cannot wait till I’m finished. I just really hope I don’t have any cold callers or meet any God Botherers in the meantime. My defences are clearly low, they could have me on the altar in a dog collar with the minimum of effort. Especially if it meant I wouldn’t have to finish the dissertation.
lol. i always have cupboards packed with nonperishables, it drives boyf cracked. i have an inner fear that we’ll run out of food, bizarre.
throw any unwanted tins at the god botherers, should knock em bandy for a bit.
what ‘ll you do with all your time when your dissertation is finished? xx
But I thought you were the maestro of denial. Shortage of food, what shortage? Too many tins, what tins? Flu, what flu? I’m the opposite about hoarding, I always assume there’ll be a food shop open any time of the day or night with anything I could possibly want. Then I run out of bread and the shops are all sold out.
I see a monster stew coming up consisting of everything that’s in the tins. You can just dip into it every day and there’s no need for cooking to interrupt your dissertational progress.
towny – good to hear you’ll be ready for the pandemic!
nick – even my denial has begun to suffer, it’s terrible
come over to my place for a good head clearing laugh, sugar! drink was involved xoxox
Just what I need
Well we all know where to go when the food runs out on us. :^) Though there’s something about all those beans that might make it highly unsocial.
I’m a bit like you though different reasons, I really do feel as if the food will run out so I stockpile on the dry goods and lots of books to read so that I can hunker down when the time comes.
We all have our little ways, ha.
XO
WWW
I’ll happily be found on the altar in a dog collar…somewhere sandwiched between January and April….he he
www – hehe very unsocial indeed
travelling – you are rather taken with that calandar aren’t you – ideas for that 50th birthday celebration
Conor it’s not you, nor the fear of a pandemic it’s breeding beans. I have at least 5 cans of red kidney beans and two cans of chick peas and for the life of me I don’t think I’ve bought any for six months . . they breed in the dark . . .along with small tins of tomato paste .. saucy cans
So glad I’m a girl and can multitask…
I don’t stockpile, and my mother came to visit a while back and was horrified. So now I have a gazillion cans of beans too.
You can, however, fend any unwelcome guests. Simply consume a can or two of those beans and gas ‘em.
Good luck with the academic writing.
marjolein – i’m very jealous
sassy – thanks! glad to know you’re ready for the pandemic too
Are you sugegesting we all dress as priests? Fabulous.
And I am NOT fifty. This week I have been told 29 and 35 by two different people (both clearly vision-impaired). And besides, you’re only as young as the man that you feel….ha ha.
this is a constant battle between doug and me. he does the grocery shopping, i make the list. i’ll write down “1 can chicken broth, 1 can garbanzo beans,” and he’ll go to the cupboard to see if we already have those items. i believe in stockpiling; he believes in using everything and only then buying more. funny.
by the way, you absolutely are ridiculously clever. why else would i keep coming back?
travelling – of course, that’s exactly what I’m suggesting – right you go first and I’ll follow…
laurie – whenever I find that I’ve run out of anything go overboard for the next year buying way too much
ridiculous is exactly the word for my cleverness hehe
If you ever throw a party to clean out the bean supplies – I’ll have to bring a gas mask or ‘pass’ gas
quickroute – definitely would be keeping all windows open that’s for sure
You should have a pea festival! The one with tinned food, not the other, that little ‘a’ makes a world of difference.
Seriously though, get about 50 of your mates round for a cauldren of mixed peas and corn and beans. Throw in some mince, hot sauce and wrap it all up-mexican super BBQ*!!!!!
Alternatively you could just set up a similar themed stall for Queens Day and have a story to tell. Owning a hippy bean stall is supposed to be a great way to look windswept and interesting.
*one of those ‘b’ s has to stand for ‘boil’
rua – a pee party is a little…avant garde for me – the queen’s day stall however might very well be a winner
pffff…..conformist
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