After years of having my old bikes break down every three months or so I decided last summer to finally bite the bullet and buy a brand new one in the hope it would save me money in the long run. I was ridiculously proud of my shiny new bell and a dynamo that actually worked. Of course the lights stopped working within two months and my bell has already developed a layer of rust in protest against the North Sea wind and persistent rain. But it was getting me from A to B more or less unscathed.
Until a couple of weeks ago that is when the gears started to become more and more erratic and stubborn until they stopped working at all and my bike could only be cycled on the toughest gear making me look like the slowest unhealthiest Conortje down the road.
Have you tried oiling it? each of my Dutch friends asked in turn – Of course I have, I’m not stupid! I lied with a growl that indicated both insult and aggravation. I may not win DIY Man of the Year but even I could tell that the problem was much graver than a simple thirst for oil. But what the problem actually was escaped me. As the days progressed and the bike got slower it was apparent I would have to take it to the bike hospital and suffer the inconvenience of being without two-wheeled transport for up to a week. Not a handy development in The Netherlands.
The day before I was to take it in my bike went missing. It wasn’t at the pole I had tied it to in the morning. My brain quickly calculated that this was the fourth bike of mine to be stolen in Holland (that’s how integrated I am). My initial reaction was far from orthodox though. Instead of annoyance and a wounded faith in humanity I discovered I was utterly delighted. I’m insured so this means I can get a new bike with working gears – how fabulous – problem solved I announced to my Occasionally Sober Friend who was with me at the time and greeted my cheerfulness with distain. My heart sank however when I quickly noticed that someone had simply moved it to the other side of the pole. I was fairly sure that such an occurrence would not be rewarded under my current insurance policy.
Back to the original plan I went and got ready to make the trek to the bike shop. I may as well give it a quick oiling I decided – it can’t hurt to try. I quickly sprayed the chain and gear and hopped on to see if it made a difference. How clever of me I thought as I quickly found myself able to shift the gears about with total ease. Drunk with excitement I performed a celebratory cycle around the block marvelling at my new found talent. Maybe I should become a mechanic…
Conortje 
i was delighted when mine was stolen – not because it was insured (it wasn’t) but because it meant i wouldn’t have to ride it any more.
i don’t like cycling. i’m not very good at it.
But if it was stolen, Conor, you’d lose your bike Man Bags that adorned it the last time I say it!
rosie – it’s easier here where it’s all flat and they have cycle lanes everywhere
alan – shhh I told you not to tell anyone about them
Thankfully it only needed oil. For a while there I was beginning to suspect the wheels on the stabilizers had seized up.
primal – I had to have them removed last year although I might put them on again seeing as these freezing conditions can make the roads very slippy
i’m getting a cruiser bike with birthday cash!! (ok, i am truly 8 years old as gimme said) it’s a simple bike: no gears, no handbrakes, fat tires and a comfy seat! i think i’ll put a basket on the front so i can carry a bottle of wine over to our bbf’s house! 🙂
savannah – why do I never get birthday cash anymore – I’m jealous 🙂
Please don’t become a mechanic. Driving is Holland is dangerous enough as it is – without the added bonus of “Conortje’s Trick Engine Fixes (TM)”…..
travelling – who cares about the cars – I’m thinking about how sexy the overalls might look 🙂
Haven’t had a bike for years, but I’m sure I would have made the same mistake about not oiling as I’m no mechanic either. I have no DIY skills whatever, just the thought of having to do some masculine type domestic repair brings me out in a sweat.
I was involved in a sordid tale of bike insurance fraud here once.
nick – I’m with you every step, believe me!
xbox – well of course now I’m DYING to know…
I hate it when my bike breaks or needs something done to it……it’s at that point that I realise I would be rubbish in a war or if the sink was broken, which it is. I throw them away and buy new, but not so easy with the sink….
A bikes – the hassle – the exercise – and having to oil them and pump them – like a demanding woman really!
wow, i’m glad it wasn’t stolen. i don’t think i’ve ever oiled my bike. i’m not even sure the tires have air….
manuel – I would have thought buying a new war would be tricky too
quickroute – well now you know the solution to your woman problems – a spray or two of WD40
laurie – hehe new year’s resolution?
I’m intrigued by the pole.
Eolaí – I wouldn’t be, he’s a very shy individual, although get a couple of beers in him…
lol. you do make me chuckle. i have a similar problem with an old car i’ve had for years and years . . sometimes i forget where i’ve parked and begin to think its been stolen and i’m secretly delighted . . and then i find it. !!
towny – hehe brilliant – I’m in good company so
I haven’t got a bike, well not one with two wheels on it. And I think you in orange overalls might be pretty damn spunky actually! Bikes still have dynamos? I thought they were all digital and batteries these days!
I have the same thing as townygirl. I use my car so infrequently that I sometimes forget where I parked it and kind of hoping I can claim the insurance if it does get stolen.