This is a charming little country I live in. While the Dutch have many similarities with the Irish (both take the idea of having fun very seriously) in other ways the two couldn’t be more different. These differences are exactly what make living here such fun and at times ridiculously quirky (quirky occasionally being a euphemism for challenging).
Take for example the well respected van Dale dictionary which is more or less the Dutch equivalent of The Oxford Dictionary. Every year it runs a ‘Word of the Year’ competition where the public get to vote on a newly coined word or an older term that has been given new life and brought to prominence during the previous twelve months. I nearly fell off my seat when I heard what the winner for 2008 was. Initially I was flabbergasted that such a word exists at all and as soon as I had calmed down from that was acutely furflummoxed* that it was the official van Dale Word of the Year. The word in question is the incredibly bizarre Swaffelen. Only in the Netherlands could a word like Swaffelen rise to such significance.
Swaffelen – verb: to swing ones (male) genitalia against an object.
It seems the word became popular after a Dutch student swaffled himself against the Taj Mahal in April and put a video of it on youtube (as you do). Somehow I just can’t see myself subtly dropping it into conversation to display how up-to-date my Dutch is. It does however make me think twice about wanting to visit the Taj mahal.
*if swaffelen can be a word then so can this!
Conortje 
Wow, that puts the French frottage to shame.
I just swaffled my waffles – is that wrong??
That’s my Dutch updated to five words then. I’ll just add swaffelen to neuken in de keuken.
I can already see how I could get a conversation out of this.
catherine – trust the Dutch to go one step further hehe
gubernaculum – it depends what you did with them afterwards I suppose
caro – funnily enough that is the first few words most foreigners learn 🙂
lekker lull ( you KNOW I just need an excuse to talk about lully lekkers) and Swaffelen.
I’d like it to be known that you are responsible for teaching me both these words/phrases
And that speaks volumes about you, I do believe.
alan – goodness me, you know I did nothing of the sort, I only taught you the Our Father and Hail Mary!
Language!
I am genuinely shocked at the words you people use. Now go wash your mouths with soap. That includes you, Alan Carbery!
hidh – hey, don’t be looking at us, it’s your language !!
Only question I have is: wouldn’t it hurt?
XO
WWW
I’m only surprised that swaffelening the Taj Mahal didn’t cause an international incident. At the least, I’d expected the Indian ambassador to The Hague to be recalled … unless he was doing the swaffelening? And what is it with you boys … can’t you just stick to doing with your genitalia what they’re designed for? (I know, NOT stirring your tea.)
crikey those Danes are so free and easy. I am wondering whether swaffelen-ing is an offshoot of the air sex cult which is also spreading like sypyllis amongst our youth?
I meant Dutch
You didn’t know about swaffelen? Oh you’re missing out… 😉
I read a comment over at Laurie’s describing what a lovely writer you are, so I came right over to visit. And found you writing about swaffelen. At the very least, I’d say you have a wonderful sense of humor!
Jeez, is there no end to those bizarre male fetishes? Can this really be pleasurable, I ask myself? I’m not surprised you were furflummoxed. And do all those enthusiastic voters actually engage in this pursuit or did they just find the idea amusing? It reminds me of the old ditty about sailors’ genitals. If you don’t know it, give me your email and I’ll enlighten you.
And what else goes on at the Taj Mahal, I wonder? it sounds like a positive den of vice.
Gosh. It seems like a challenge has been laid down, non? Those video diaries of you and Alan are about to get spicier, I fear. Eek!
And as for using the word, I suggest you slip it in when there’s a lull in the conversation. (see what I did? jeux de mots in dutch. I’m so cool I need to go swaffel myself)
well, ok then…xoxo
www – I reckon it would depend on how hard you swaffelled
tessa – hehe you have a point. Boys are really disgusting when you think about it.
emmak – dare I ask what air sex is???
marjolein – sometimes it’s good to be left out 🙂
kaycie – you’ll have to join me again on a less…swaffelsome day!
nick – tell me about it! There’s talk of a national swaffel day even.
travelling – you’ve been saving that one up for years have you not hehe
savannah – did I make you blush? 🙂
Now its up to the fun loving dutch to come up with a swafelling sport! Thats a thought…But do visit the Taj…Dont let a little bit of fun get to you (:P)
Balderdash (v.) To dash ones balls against an object
See? English was way ahead on this one.
tania – I won’t give up on it just yet then
primal – and balderdash is definitely something you’d know all about!
that’s the funniest thing i’ve read in an age. you really really made me laugh. i’ve so many images in my head. walloping his todge against the taj mahal. . . lol lol and to have its own verb .. stop, i may fall off my chair
Ever played Swaffelen Tennis? Me neither, I just made it up and have no idea what it entails but it sounds decidedly dorty.
On a more serious note, between “Swaffelen” and a “fairy’s fuck” this site has armed me with some of the finest vocabulary I’ve ever encountered
don’t go to the taj mahal, one it looks like a fuckin’ great biscuit tin, and two, some windmill repair guy has been rubbing his nuts on it.
conor, thanks for shocking my sweet retiring shy librarian friend kaycie! (she might disagree with that description.)
i’ve been trying for two days now to think of a funny response to this post, but i’m swaffled. i mean, stymied.
I’m going to drop that into conversation the next time I talk to one of the Dutch team at work. I think if I say it quickly enough, it would sound like a sneeze.
But there is something quite satisfying about the pronounciation as well (the way I’m pronouncing it, there is – but my Dutch is abysmal).
The practice is as old as the hills, as the sailors song suggests. For the lyrics see http://www.redbubble.com/people/rigg/writing/2067844-do-your-balls-hang-low. Various parts of the male and female anatomy can of course be substituted. Just thought you’d like to know….
Again! Women being left out of the equation! 🙂
Haha . .I saw the news article about the kid at the Taj Mahal . .what posessed him? Turkey slapping an inanimate object . . .weird indeed.
Say the following ten times fast:
‘He rattled his bottles off Rollick’s walls’
Then drink half a bottle of vodka and do it again.
I’m still laughing – what a hoot – and you wouldn’t believe the images I’m conjuring up!!! One of your best posts yet!! Okay, I’m going to pee my pants now!
blush? me? sugar, 3 sons, i no longer blush…wince perhaps at the imagined pain!!!
xoxoxox
seems like a long way to go to swing yer thing! 😉
townygirl – it makes me want to start making up my own verbs too. Actually I think I already do…
rua – painful, that’s what it sounds 🙂
bill – well I’m certain they won’t be advertising that particular fact in the guide books
laurie – I hope I didn’t get you into trouble 🙂
jen – it is sort of onomatopoeic isn’t it hehe
nick – those sailors have some strange songs so they do
nicole – this one area I’m sure they’re happy to be left out of, no?
baino – there are none so queer as folk…
k8 – I went straight for the vodka bypassing the tongue twister!
twilapatricia – I have been trying hard NOT to picture it hehe
savannah – you don’t blush? Hmm sounds like a challenge to me…
quickroute – he was obviously a determined young man 🙂
What I want to know is … is this a new word?
or one resurrected from times ancient?
Perhaps this was some Medieval Dutch Tradition…..
It wouldn’t surprise me if it was …. I have seen some very strange traditions here in the last 10mts…
Holy Mother….. *shakes head*