The great thing about small airports is that you can be in and out in no time. Stepping in the front door you simultaneously stumble out the back avoiding hideously long queues and lengthy waits for luggage. For my Occasionally Sober Friend’s wedding this weekend I flew into Southampton Airport, delighted to take advantage of all the benefits of such a tiny airport. Little did I think that my mother was also going to use the situation for her own gain, despite being far away in Ireland.
As the plane emptied her passengers into the arrival room (hall would be stretching it slightly) everyone sped merrily through the passport check. Everyone except me that is. As I came to the top of the queue a stern looking policemen stepped out of nowhere and said in a startling accusative tone I notice you have an Irish passport. That’s correct I said proudly, figuring that he was about to regale me with anecdotes of his great holidays in my home-isle and how friendly and funny my countrymen are. Sadly this was not to be and instead he pulled me over to the side where he proceeded to deliver a rapid-fire attack of questions which left me with sweaty hands and feeling like Terrorist No.1. Where did I live?, How often did I travel?, Why did my passport look in such good shape despite it being three years old? (since when is being careful a crime?) The more questions he asked, the guiltier I began to look despite my most serious crime being a quick visit to the Sinn Fein website a couple of years back where I almost bought a t-shirt as a joke present. And then his questioning took a nasty turn.
How often do you travel back to Ireland to go home? Once or twice a year was my answer which was met with a look of extreme disappointment and derision. That’s not very much is it? he reprimanded. No I suppose not I had to admit. But you know how it is – there’s always something going on and it’s hard to find the time, not to mention the expenses involved I justified while peeking over his shoulder half expecting to see my mother hiding in the booth with a big scowl on her face. Yes, well it is always important to see your family he cautioned and with those words he completed my interrogation and I scampered away red-faced to find my bag, promising myself to arrange a trip home as soon as possible.
Conortje 