Don’t feed the animals

Sign at Chengdu Panda Breeding and Research Centre

Food glorious food

I can turn into a startling hybrid of the Cookie Monster and Taz the Tasmanian Devil if I’m hungry. Really hungry that is. I cease all activities and that can include talking or being reasonably friendly with whoever I’m with, until I have food again in my belly. After which I continue on merrily as if nothing had happened at all, almost instantly!

This is of more than moderate concern for our world tour ahead. Especially considering that we are both vegetarians. For some reason many people still struggle with the notion and seem more satisfied to simply believe that we are just being unnecessarily problematic or demanding. Considering the difficulties I’ve had in Europe I can’t imagine what lies ahead of us in some less progressive places. One time in a restaurant here in Den Haag the waitress, upon seeing my disappointed face when served my horrific looking meal announced in a very patronising voice It’s your fault for being vegetarian!

France has always proved to be a particular challenge. For a country with a reputation for good cuisine they can be astonishingly narrow minded and unadventurous when it comes to food. I was once forced into a debate with a waiter in Paris about the sandwich he served me after I had asked for one without meat. This, is not meat! he yelled pointing at the ham in my sandwich. Of course it is I retorted, deciding that my argument was strong enough to keep my line of defence simple. After a moment’s thought he simply spat back It is not! like a spoiled 10 year old, turned his back and stormed off leaving me to contemplate the ham sandwich and the bill he’d left with it.

My last trip to Paris was no better when it came to food. The worst was in a restaurant where we ordered the stuffed peppers, being the only item on the menu not to have meat in its description. When it arrived it was a pepper stuffed with beef. Describing our dilemma the waiter informed us they could whip up an omelette and vegetables. While a little underwhelmed my hunger monster was beginning to grow so I agreed to the offer. When they arrived the omelette and vegetables turned out to be a half raw poached egg on rice with tasteless green beans. The dish was inedible. When the waiter returned later to take our plates he didn’t say a word at our obviously untouched food but the implication was that he shared the views of that Den Haag waitress.

So I’ve decided to employ some preemptive strikes against the inevitable challenges ahead. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is actually a ridiculously fabulous excuse to eat as much as I want! I keep telling myself that it is essential I store up an impressive reserve of fat for the difficult times ahead. At this rate I’ll be rolling into South America.