The great thing about small airports is that you can be in and out in no time. Stepping in the front door you simultaneously stumble out the back avoiding hideously long queues and lengthy waits for luggage. For my Occasionally Sober Friend’s wedding this weekend I flew into Southampton Airport, delighted to take advantage of all the benefits of such a tiny airport. Little did I think that my mother was also going to use the situation for her own gain, despite being far away in Ireland.
As the plane emptied her passengers into the arrival room (hall would be stretching it slightly) everyone sped merrily through the passport check. Everyone except me that is. As I came to the top of the queue a stern looking policemen stepped out of nowhere and said in a startling accusative tone I notice you have an Irish passport. That’s correct I said proudly, figuring that he was about to regale me with anecdotes of his great holidays in my home-isle and how friendly and funny my countrymen are. Sadly this was not to be and instead he pulled me over to the side where he proceeded to deliver a rapid-fire attack of questions which left me with sweaty hands and feeling like Terrorist No.1. Where did I live?, How often did I travel?, Why did my passport look in such good shape despite it being three years old? (since when is being careful a crime?) The more questions he asked, the guiltier I began to look despite my most serious crime being a quick visit to the Sinn Fein website a couple of years back where I almost bought a t-shirt as a joke present. And then his questioning took a nasty turn.
How often do you travel back to Ireland to go home? Once or twice a year was my answer which was met with a look of extreme disappointment and derision. That’s not very much is it? he reprimanded. No I suppose not I had to admit. But you know how it is – there’s always something going on and it’s hard to find the time, not to mention the expenses involved I justified while peeking over his shoulder half expecting to see my mother hiding in the booth with a big scowl on her face. Yes, well it is always important to see your family he cautioned and with those words he completed my interrogation and I scampered away red-faced to find my bag, promising myself to arrange a trip home as soon as possible.
Conortje 
the cheeky brat. it vexes me verily how much power these peeps have over us on our travels. I too have an immaculate passport, nout wrong with that.xx
Officials at Southampton airport are taking people aside and telling them to visit their mothers! I feel safer already.
So… have you befouled and besmirched your passport yet in an effort to reassure the authorities?
towny – you’d better watch out with that clean looking passport – it’ll only get you in trouble
martin – it now looks as ragged as I do after the weekend of partying 🙂
what th..? you’d better ask your ma; maybe she really did put him up to it. i can’t think of any other explanation. other than he was bored and you were the closest thing he could find to a foreigner.
Once when going back to the states, when I answered that I lived in Montreal, the agent gave me an aghast face and asked me incredulously, “Why would you want to live there?” It’s so stupid but he made me feel ashamed.
laurie – for once being Irish was exotic hehe
tornwordo – ach I’m sure he was only jealous 🙂
Yikes – the ‘Are you being a good son’ – Police will have a field day with me! – I haven’t been home in 15 months
Jeez, why is Southampton airport so paranoid about the Irish? Jenny has an Irish passport and I don’t think she’s ever had questioning like that. Perhaps some drunken Irish person made a jocular remark about the Brits and he’s never forgotten it. I love small airports too. You can be out of Belfast City Airport in about ten minutes whereas at Heathrow I’ve waited ¾ hour just for my baggage let alone the long trek to the exit.
quickroute – better stay clear of passport controls then – you have been warned
nick – it must be my beard that makes me look extra suspicious
hope you had fun at the wedding.
young man!
somebody needs to talk some sense into you. i wish that somebody didn’t have to be me, i mean it’s not like i am bored or anything i got plenty of things to worry about as it is and i certainly don’t need you to be one more of these things but after reading all of these comments i suppose nobody’s gonna set you straight cause i guess they need some straightening out themselves as far as i can tell because there’s not one single sensible comment as far as i can tell and i read all of them twice just to make sure it wasn’t me but even taking into account my blurry vision -no glasses and too many glasses- i still had to come to the conclusion that not one of these comments will be helpful to you in the long run.
all of these people should be ashamed of themselves in fact i think they should all do something extra nice for their mothers like taking them out for chinese food or pushing her wheelchair or accompanying her to a bingo-hall or buying her a canary
because you know
i think that customs dude was right and you should be ashamed of yourself!
you should be grateful to him. i am sure he is a very very nice man and i am convinced he treats his mother very nicely. i bet he visits her every weekend.
shame on you!
Gertrudely yours xxxx
ok, ok, that was all about YOU, sugar …where is the wedding post? where are the pictures? what happened? did she cry? did you? did anyone? how was the cake? but more importanly…WHAT DID THE DRESS LOOK LIKE???????
xoxoxo ( you know i love, now call your ma!) 😉
red – it was A LOT of fun believe me 🙂
gertrude – it is amazing how much wisdom a vat of gin can bring 🙂
savannah – hehe I’m still going through the photos. There was crying all round, the cake was white chocolate muffins – delicious, the bride herself look stunning!
You need to come over to Cork in February. Travelling and I are plotting .You can send yer ma a postcard.
your Ma was behind it all. She wants to see you more often. It’s so sweet.
Oh yeah, come to Cork in february. Really, you should. I’ll tell you about it in ten days time 😉
Haha . .classic. I’m with Gertrude! Be good to your muvver! And if you can’t visit, call! I’m very proud of you for having a nice clean passport. Cleanliness is next to Godliness whatever that means!
And yes? Wedding pics? Wasn’t it the event for THAT suit? You’re lucky I didn’t lend you my fascinator!
he did it!!!!! happy dancing in between packing!!! President Barack Obama!!!
( what i meant to say earlier: i love you…now call your ma!)
xoxoxoxo
HQ – that was be fun indeed – I’ll get the scope when Travelling comes to visit me next week
Travelling – it would have been even sweeter had he not been all police-like and scary
baino – it was indeed the suit event and my suit went down a storm if I do say so myself
savannah – happy dancing here too!!!
maybe there is hope in this world
bush is out of the white house and is being replaced with somebody who is at least a bit more colorful and there is a person named baino who understands about mothers